Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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