Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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