Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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