Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
