Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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