I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
