Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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