I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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