Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
