Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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