Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
