Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
