I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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