Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
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You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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