explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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