Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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