i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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