You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
