my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
