Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
