i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
