we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
two words...techno handjob
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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