Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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