Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
