my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to make out with him forever
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
