Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
