so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
