Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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