I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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