when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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