when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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