It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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