oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
