you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
