she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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