ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
