its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
