im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
