I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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