some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
