I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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