so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
