I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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