I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
