why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.