I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?