You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...