if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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