Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
