I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
