He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
