I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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