im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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