as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
