don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
