i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
