I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
