it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
