I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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