If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
